Lesson on Waiting

Last week was a really hard week and I wanted to post about how hard it's been not knowing anyone and wanting so badly to make new friends or at least start meeting people but life got in the way and I never posted. And as the weeks gone on it's not gotten any easier. Things have just felt "off".

Everyone told me when we left Chicago that everyone in Colorado is a transplant (which is so true) and that they all too were new at some point so would know how it felt to be alone and want to meet new friends. All great in theory and as encouraging words as we left everyone to come to a place where we basically knew no one.  However, I feel it's the total opposite.  Everywhere I've gone, Colorado has this "small town" feel (which I must say is totally foreign to me and could be a whole other blog post) and it seems like no one I've encountered needs or wants another friend.  

Then there is the job.  I am so thankful that I got a job and that I'm excited to start one week from tomorrow! (yelp!!)  But I haven't started yet. The whole job process was a lot of "hurry up...and wait."  In this waiting time I have had plenty of time to review my decision to accept this job, turn down the teaching job and not look for a different position all while wondering if I've made the right choice.  It's hard to get really excited about starting a job which requires me to be up by 5:30 every day and barely help to pay the bills. So there is confusion there and has been too much time to over-analyze the decision.

We've started looking at different neighborhoods for our future home. (another whole blog post could be and probably will be written about that!) When we felt the prompt to move here we knew we needed to do it before we started having kids because it'd be way too hard to leave once we had kids.  But I envisioned moving here to get a house with a yard, garage for Jason, popping out 2.5 kids who are running around the yard and house. I'm driving an SUV to and from swim/dance/insert whatever sport here. Of course we'd have awesome neighbors, go skiing on the weekends (probably in our mountain condo), me being this amazing special ed teacher changing the lives of every student and family I've had and just about everything else you could imagine for this "life in Colorado." I saw my Colorado life as my future life...I forgot all the steps it takes to get there. Okay so honestly I didn't really imagine all that or really forget all the steps to get there but in order to pickup and move across the country I had to see the big picture and that was that we didn't want to raise our kids in the city and think about the opportunities that Colorado offered for our future family.(as for the condo in the mountains...that's probably more part of Jason's dream...but I'll just go along with it because it sounds pretty nice!)  So when we moved here and got a beautiful apartment and things are moving along just as they should be only 4 months into living here it's just like, "Ahhhhhh I am so bored and so out of my comfort zone with everyone here and no friends and no kids and no job and no idea what I am supposed to be doing every day!"

I miss my nieces, I miss my parents, I miss my family, I miss all my friends in Chicago, I really really miss running along the lake!  I miss parallel parking. I miss all the dining and food choices in Chicago. I miss good sushi. I miss the hustle and bustle of Chicago, I miss walking out the door and seeing 100 people all in a matter of a minute. I miss my parents lake house. I miss the Cubs. (not really on this one this year!) I miss my parents dog. I miss my Goddaughter. I miss all the fun summer activities; Lolla was last weekend, the million street fests, the air and water show is coming up, my cousins wedding is in September that we'll have to sit out on.  I miss the humidity. It's true. I do miss the humidity. I miss half priced pitchers of sangria on every other Chicago patio. I miss Willow Creek. There is something about Chicago that I can't really explain, but just that I knew what to expect from people. I knew the culture there. And I really miss feeling that.

Being here has made me realize just how comfortable I was living in Chicago. I found it to be so easy to make new friends in Chicago, to be alone in Chicago, to be single, to be married.  But I know that isn't at all where I am supposed to be now.

Which leads me to the point of this post.  Today while running I listened to a podcast by John Ortberg and it was about waiting. Waiting, of how I hate to wait! Don't we all?  He talked about how today is not where we're going to be forever.  It was so encouraging. I had tears rolling down my face. I know I followed Gods calling which was to come to Colorado.  Jason nor I chose to move here on our own doings and for all we know we could move a bunch more times before our lives are over but every day is one step closer to this feeling more like home. I've had a lot of amazing things happen in the short amount of time being here. I've found a church and already attended a month long Bible study which already has taught me how to study the Word and hear how God wants to speak to me.  Jason and I have spent an amazing amount of time in the mountains. I've been to my first Rodeo, gone white water-rafting, gotten connected to horses again and decided to get certified as a therapeutic horse back riding instructor. I have done so much in such a short amount of time but it's hard to realize all that when I'm clouded with loneliness and a need for everything to happen now.

I am definitely being taught a lesson on waiting. A lesson on waiting for just about everything I desire right now.  I am learning how I need to be comfortable with where I am right now and with a God who so loves me and wants me to rely on Him. I have always hating wishing any bit of my life away yet I've found myself wishing for more which obviously means I am wishing time away.

So as I take a step back this morning I realize I have a lot to be thankful for. I have an amazing husband to enjoy this journey with (and it has been quite the journey even in our marriage these past couple months where Satan has really tried to have his way!) I have a job lined up and still have a week to enjoy before I start complaining about my early mornings. ;-) I know I'll meet friends in the right time. I just have to live now and know that better things are to come for me.  It excites me even as I write this knowing that this is just a waiting period and probably the longer I wish for things the longer I may have to wait. I need to be content in Him and wait on Him.  And for that, I am so thankful.

Thanks for coming along side me in the journey!  Thanks for supporting me on my sadder days and for all your encouragement to bring me to lighter place of contentment.  I appreciate being able to be honest here and look forward to continuing to share in this journey. God is so good.