Schools Out!!

School is out for summer!! And in my case, it is out for pretty much ever...or until Jason and I decide otherwise. And I am just a bundle of emotions. I have been counting down until today since pretty much the day I found out I was pregnant. I had always known that I would want to spend as much time with Lucas so after we had them I decided that I'd go back to work and see how it was before making any decisions about being a full time mom...full time teacher or even half time teacher. Both those days leading up to going back to work pretty much made me cry daily because I really did not want to leave Lucas home. I knew I would miss out on many milestones and knew my time with him while he was awake was extremely limited. (about 3 hours max and that was if he didn't nap when I got home.)

Well, about a month ago Jason and I decided with Gods help that it would be best for me to stay home with our Lucas and focus my time on being a mom. I cannot tell you the joy that has come just from making that decision and knowing that limited time with him was just temporary. Every night I'd put him to bed I would count down the days until I knew I could do this without the heartache of having to leave him the next morning.

Well here we are on my last day of school and I don't even know how to feel! I cried when I pulled out of work. To say that I am excited to stay at home with Lucas is a huge understatement. It's what feels "right" for me in this time. I miss him every day when I am at work. Add to that the amount of money that I am making after childcare it wasn't much of a question. (my paycheck was just barely covering the cost of childcare.) Plus as anyone would imagine...teaching kids with special needs isn't the type of just you can just show up to and leave at the end of the 9 hours shift.  Even when I didn't physically take work home, I was taking it home mentally. But that's really neither here nor there. The decision to stay home was truly because I want to spend as much time with Lucas as possible.

But I worked so hard to get my degree in teaching! I worked so hard to get that first teaching job. I put my heart and sole into these kids (and their parents!) this year. I have followed Gods call to these kids and while I believe God is calling me to stay home with Lucas it's hard to just let that all go. Plus I know being a stay at home mom is a super scary, tough, exhausting job! As I type this Lucas will not nap and won't stop crying because he's over-tired. When you stay at home...you never get a break! When they nap, it's time to do everything you couldn't do when they were awake. I just know I have a very tough job awaiting me...and it is pretty scary!

So I am all full of emotions but I I am super excited to stay home and watch Lucas grow. I'm so excited to get lots of extra cuddles and be the one to teach him all there is to learn about this world. I cannot wait to do all the things that stay at home moms do! Another chapter of my life is closing and I am excited to open this new chapter of mommyhood staying at home with the sweetest, cutest little almost 5 month old!